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Christmas has never been kind to me, and I don’t really know why I continue to subject myself year after year hoping that maybe this time it would be different. This time, it wasn’t any different. In fact, it was pretty much as uneventful as watching paint dry.

"Hey, maybe next time."

I guess you can call it being stubborn, or maybe I’m just naive. But as realistic as I try to be and at times cynical, I can’t seem to shake off certain expectations and that hopeful feeling that one day, the holiday, will be a nice one. It doesn’t have to be great; I just want it to be nice for a change.

*****

So this is how it feels to have to deal with simultaneously the two biggest fears of my life. And who am I kidding, it stung, and it hurt, and it still hurts. And as much as I can reason with those whose thinking is little more rational than mine, it is nonetheless my own battle to deal with. So in the middle of what seem to be perpetual bliss, I’ve now had to stop to take a breather, to take a step back and to find myself again. I know I’m a better person than what I’ve subjected myself to feel like in recent weeks. I know I am better, because of what I believe in. I know I am better, because of all those who’ll stand by me and support me whenever I’m in need. And I know I am better, because I choose to be.

"Get up (get up)
Come on (come on)
Why are you scared? (I'm not scared)
You'll never change what's been and gone

Cause all of the stars
Are fading away
Just try not to worry
You'll see them some day
Take what you need
And be on your way
And stop crying your heart out…"

**To my dearest sister, I may not like you, but I'll always love you. And though we may not always see eye to eye, you’ve always been there for me and I thank you for that. Who knew Connie Lee could bake cakes and cookies. Guess all you needed was the right motivation :)
Thank you...xoxo

A Good Breakfast Goes a Long Way!

Yeah...and you know it! ;)

*Ahem
First off...HAPPY 22nd BIRTHDAY to my FAVE girlfriend SARA THE GREAT!! *muah, *muah!

*Psst Mark! Look, I've got her making faces!! And incriminating herself!! MUAHAHAH!!
HAHAHA...Sara Babes that picture is ADORABLE!! Okay, no killing allowed around here! *HUGS! :) I hope you had a wonderful day! After all, you did have a candy cane sticking outta your ass in class, snuck your paper into the pile and didn't have to present, H2O moisturizers for daily winter skin care, we had martinis by 11:30 A.M., insane boomy voice man sang you a birthday cheer, and we saw a homeless lady change her panties in public on our way to school. I'll say it was one heck of a day :) May you be blessed with lots of love, hugs, and kisses!! And yes, the SHITS & GIGGLES all year long! CHEERS!!

*****
It's amazing how the little things in life can pluck the stresses right out of you. It's so silly, and sounds even sillier in writing, but after a week of weed pulling in my brain with no light bulb idea in sight, the few hours spent hanging up tree ornaments calmed the nerves. Maybe it was the first tree decorating since my last Christmas with mom, or it could’ve been watching Mark punch Sean in the bum; long story short Sean was squirming and Mark missed a charlie horse :) And maybe it was the pralines n’ cream ice-cream, or the lychee and fresh pineapples. Whatever it was, it was nice and it allowed me to get away from all the suffocating chaos of deadlines, type setting, and those damn Food Basic ads. Guess it’s that time of the year to be just a bit nostalgic.

*****MMMmmm Breakfast...
Three Scrambled Eggs With Bacon and Avocado with Three Breakfast Sausages and Two Blueberry Eggo Waffles plus a lil bit of TLC.

AHhh, C'est la Vie.

All I Want for Christmas...

ATTN: SECRET SANTAS!!**
These are in no particular order...although some are just for fun; unless you feel like being extremely generous and wanna spend $4000 on lil ol' me :P Hope this helps, have fun shopping!

THE WISH LIST...
Martha Stewart's Baking Handbook
Silpat Baking Mat or Silpat Baking Mat
Stainless Steel Whipped Cream Canister
Nigella Lawson's Living Kitchen Products
Professional Quality Pastry Bag @ William Sonoma Bagnote: THIS IS NOT THE MECHANICAL ONE THAT THEY ARE PROMOTING, GOTTA BE A REAL PASTRY BAG :)
Tiffany Swing Ring
Mark: "its studded like a nutty shit full of corn"
Tiffany Knots Ring

ANYTHING...(Including gift certificates!!)
Kitchen Aid Oooh!! Pasta Rollers!!
Snowboarding mitts, toques, helmets, gloves, goggles, snowboarding SOCKS!! (Size 6 feet!!) ;) Ultimate shorts, socks, cleats, hats, discs, LONG SOCKS!!
Ikea wine glasses, cutlery sets, pitchers, wine racks, hanging star drape lights
Kitchen Stuff Plus gagets, gizmos, bakeware, spring form pans, pie/tart pans, spatulasBluenotes if you haven't notice by now, I am a sucker for LONG SOCKS!! KNEE HIGHS...CUTE, STRIPES, FUNKY, COLOURFUL, NOT COLOUR FULL, etc.
Victoria Secret Ooooh! more socks!! VS Knee Highs The Apple Store
Jacob
La Senza Chapters/Indigo
LOTS OF Love. Happiness. Good Health. My BDes Degree & Lots of Shits n' Giggles

**Although this IS my Secret Santa gift list blog, it's been a while to be able to say that I basically have all that I need this Christmas. Damn I'm starting to feel really old; "Oh don't get me that really cute snowman set from William Sonoma, it's sooo unpractical and I don't have any space. But a Kitchen Aid kitchen or that thousand dollar Tiffany & Co. diamond ring will do nicely :D Giggles aside, as of right now, I am happy. After all, I have a great family who cares for me, a sister who has stuck by me through thick and thin, a boyfriend who luvs me unconditionally; retarded faces, moody phases, stresses, smiles n' tears, hugs n' kisses :) I have great friends I can always count on to put a smile on my face, that or extra pounds from all those brunches, lunches, and dinners :) And I have a life I can't complain about. I am content, and extremely grateful. Another year travelled, another year wiser, another year cherished...

All my love,
Bon