Excerpt from Tuesdays with Morrie

On this day, Morrie says he has an exercise for us to try. We are to stand, facing away from our classmates, and fall backward, relying on another student to catch us. Most of us are uncomfortable with this, and we cannot let go for more than a few inches before stopping ourselves. We laugh in embarrassment.

Finally, one student, a thin, quiet, dark-haired girl whom I notice almost always wears bulky white fisherman sweaters, crosses her arms over her chest, closes her eyes, leans back, and doesn’t not flinch, like of those Lipton tea commercials, where the model splashes into the pool.

For a moment, I am sure she is going to thump on the floor. At the last instant, her assigned partner grabs her head and shoulders and yanks her up harshly.

“Whoa!” several students yell. Some clap.

Morrie finally smiles.

“You see,” he says to the girl, “you closed your eyes. That was the difference. Sometimes you cannot believe what you see; you have to believe what you feel. And if you are ever going to have other people trust you, you must feel that you can trust them, too—even when you’re in the dark. Even when you’re falling.”

She Takes My Hand & Leads Me Along Paths I Would Have Never Dared to Explore Alone...

So here I am wallowing as this day mocks me with the strength of one of Chuck Norris’ round house kicks to the face. Yet telling the world how much Valentine’s Day suck only suppresses how much I truly love this day. Not because of all the crap people buy and how store fronts test you and your stomach with the insane amount of red and pink, because essentially if you care for someone, genuinely care for someone, they will know every single day...But because of how much I miss how great these days can be…

This one may not be a Grilled Salmon Fettuccini Alfredo with a side of lovin’ kinda day, but it’s one I’ll probably remember for a very long time, and smile at because of how lucky I am, how lucky I am to be me. As emotional as I can be, as emotional as I am these days…this is only the second time I've cried…cried these tears of joy. Pink Kitchen Aid aside, this is quite possibly one of the greatest things anyone has ever done for me. I don't know where I'd be without you all...and frankly I would never ever want to find out…my family, my friends, you guys are my life.

Connie, my greatest little sister, my bestest friend…first it’s the cake baking, and now this…you don’t know how much this means to me…Thank you for everything, for always being there, supporting me, giving me strength, giving me hope and for always making the rough patches in life go by a little bit easier. And because of you, I smile...

Ray, Nyima, Connie, Shawn, Cindy, Sara and Andrea, you guys are my safety nets and I thank you for allowing me to live my life free of walls, free of harnesses, free of strings. I thank you for always encouraging me and giving me the confidence to have faith, to be able let go whenever I please, and allowing me to fall freely knowing that someone will always be there to catch me. The flowers, the cards are absolutely beautiful, and I can’t believe you guys got Ray to draw :)…Con baking and Ray drawing…how much more can I milk outta this :)…Thank you. You guys mean the world to me and it is because of your love and support that makes me who I am today…

I love you guys with all of me, with all my heart…Thank you all for being so wonderful, so unbelievablly great…


They say...if we make these faces long enuff, they'll stay that way forever :)
Why do we keep incriminating ourselves?...we're so retarded :P

Lost in the Shuffle...

All in All by Lifehouse
Blind by Lifehouse
Chapter One by Lifehouse
The End Has Only Begun by Lifehouse
Days Go By by Lifehouse
Ashes by Embrace
Your Ex lover is Dead by Stars
Charms by The Philosopher Kings
All These Things That I've Done by The Killers
Dark Horse by Amanda Marshall
How Can You Mend a Broken Heart by Al Green
The Air that I Breathe by The Hollies
Maybe Tomorrow by Stereophoics
Time After Time by Eva Cassidy
Into the Sun by Lifehouse
Come Back Down by Lifehouse
Undone by Lifehouse
Better Luck Next Time by Lifehouse
We'll Never Know by Lifehouse
Walking Away by Lifehouse
Everything by Lifehouse
My Immortal by Evanscence
In This Life by Chantal Kreviazuk
Have a Nice Day by Stereophonics
Turn Your Lights On by Santana & Everlast
What Are You Afraid Of by West Indian Girl
Be Yourself by Audioslave
Heavens Dead by Audioslave
Why Do I Feel So Sad? by Alicia Keys
I Miss You by Incubus
Drive by Incubus
Superman by Five for Fighting

*****
Out of place like a gem on a coal face
lost on the right way, it's all the same
Cause I've had my hopes raised, right in the wrong ways
scared when you felt safe to start again

Now watch me rise up and leave
all the ashes you made out of me
when you said that we were wrong, life goes on

*****
By now I should know
That in time things must grow
And I had to leave you behind
So why do I feel so sad
If it couldn't be that bad
Tell me why

By now I should know
That in time things would change
So it shouldn't be so bad
So why do I feel so sad

*****
And all your dreams are turning into nothing more
When all your hope is left
You know you’re not alone
Just hold on… Hold on…

*****
Live through this and you won't look back
Live through this and you won't look back
Live through this and you won't look back

There's one thing I have to say so I'll be brave
You were what I wanted, I gave what I gave
I'm not sorry I met you
I'm not sorry it's over

I'm not sorry there's nothing to save
I'm not sorry there's nothing to save

*****
"Start to breathe and fake a smile. Its all the same after a while................"

"If I Could Make a Wish, I Think I'd Pass, Can't Think of Anything I Need..."

So I’m reading through my last blog, and it feels like it’s sitting there to truly remind me how great grace is. All these years I keep thinking to myself how great you are, how lucky I am to have met you, how great it is to have such a wonderful friend, and what kind of person would I be if you were never there to guide me? The years I’ve fought against myself, fought against the hopeless romantic person that I am, and I mean romantic in every sense of the word, love, life…you’ve always reminded me about how great it was to be that person. You always led me away from the bitterness, away from what society wants us to be. And your words and the direction you’ve steered me towards have never been so clear, never been so great. I am so thankful for everything that I’ve experienced, so thankful for everything that I have, and above all, thankful for being able to embrace me. If it wasn’t for you, I don’t think I’d be able to deal with all the craziness in life, I’d be just like the many out there, still struggling with the simple things that always seem too find it’s way to tie us down. So like I said before, I thank you Ray for being so wonderful, and I’m so thankful to have you in my life, and if that means thanking God, then I will :)

Con, I love you…my protective lil sister, the lil bully I can get to head butt the shit outta anyone that comes our way, my best friend, my life. I mean where else can I find the endless pool of sarcasm and crazy talk :) I thank you for being you, and for loving me for me :) Soooo…2 batches of black and white cookies? :) ...This Europe trip, it sound quite plausible and it sounds pretty wicked...learning to bake in France? We shall look into it, and maybe I should start saving…although, west coast sounds even more plausible and even more great...how awesome would it be to be baking pies and tarts and cookies during the day, and playing ultimate in the after hours…man that’ll be the life…

Sara, my sweet pea...where would I be without you? What more can I say? Together we will rule the world!! :) All my love!! *muah! *muah!

I am hopeful, and I know the clouds will pass, and once again the sun will shine...and however sad it is now, I can’t help but smile a lil smile, because of how great my life is, how great the people around me are, because of how great I am and how great I can be…
Thank you baby for everything, for always instilling within me so much strength, faith, and love. I can’t take all the credit for how good I’m feeling right now, because I wouldn’t be this way if you were never there, if you weren’t so great. I'm so proud of us, so proud of you...we were great, and I’ll walk away with that. Your baby, always…xoxo

All the stars are out tonight
It feels as though I might,
Make some sense out of this madness,
Will it turn out right?
But whos to say where the wind will blow

Time will tell us if we're out of answers, When it stops -
Climb back down to the beginning take it from the top.
Whos to say where the wind will blow

What happens when all your dreams are lying on the ground?
Do you pick up the pieces all around?
And if the world should fall apart hold onto what you know
Take your chances turn around and go

All the leaves are turning and the sky I faced to cry
Strange our lives coinside with the seasons of today
Whos to say where the wind will blow?

What happens when everything is lying on the ground?
Do you pick up the pieces all around?
And if the world should fall apart hold onto what you know
Take your chances turn around and go

Carry on you say
Make the best of today
All I see is struggle along the way
Maybe when the sun passes through the grey
I can find the strength to make it through the day

What happens when all your dreams are lying on the ground?
Do you pick up the pieces all around?
And if the world should fall apart hold onto what you know
Take your chances turn around and go
Take your chances turn around and go…